Author Topic: Pet story  (Read 854 times)

Offline admin

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Pet story
« on: January 13, 2018, 12:34:28 pm »
A woman walked into a pet shop. "I'm looking for a new pet. My husband
just got a new job, and I want something to keep me company."
"How about a nice kitty?" asked the pet shop owner.
"No," said the woman, "they scratch up the furniture."
"How about a cute puppy?"
"No, they chew up everything."
"How about a lovely budgie?"
"No, they're not cuddly."
"Well," said the pet shop owner, "I really haven't anything else,
unless...""Yes, what?

The pet shop owner went into a back room and brought out a small cage.
He
pulled the cover off the cage to reveal what appeared to be a live teddy
bear, with rather large teeth.
"Oooh, what is it?" exclaimed the woman.
"This," said the pet shop owner, puffing with pride, "is a Rarey. The
rarest pet of all, discovered by the Great White Hunter himself. He's
quite gentle, really." He reached his hand into the catch to pet the
Rarey. It purred and cooed, rubbing against his hand. "It eats
anything."
He pulled out a banana
peel and two cigarette butts from the waste bin and handed them to the
Rarey, who gobbled them down, smacking its lips.
"I must have it!" said the woman.
"He's quite expensive really."
"It doesn't matter, my husband's new job pays splendidly."
The pet shop owner thought for a bit, then said, "Seeing as you're such
a
nice lady, I'll let you have it for five thousand."
"Done." said the woman. She paid the pet shop owner and walked proudly
home with her new little pet.

When her husband got home from work, the woman couldn't wait to show him
her purchase. The Rarey was sitting on the kitchen floor, busily
stuffing itself with leftovers from the fridge.
"He's very gentle." said the woman and reached down to stroke its soft
fur. It seemed a bit bigger than it had that morning.
The husband petted the Rarey, and hugged his wife.
"I'm glad you have someone to keep you company," he said.

The next morning they awoke to an astonishing sight. The Rarey had
indeed
grown larger, and was now the size of a beagle. It had also eaten the
entire contents of the refrigerator, including the drawers and trays.
"Must be going through a growth spurt," said the woman, rather
embarrassed.When the husband returned home from work that evening, his
wife looked at him with a distressed expression. The Rarey was pulling
books off the shelf and eating them, and had grown to the size of a
small
pony."I tried to stop him," said the wife, "but he'd get such a forlorn
look.""Well," said the husband, patting the Rarey on the head, "if it
doesn't stop growing we won't have enough room, soon."
Next morning, when they awoke, the husband and wife saw, to their
dismay,
that the Rarey had indeed grown larger, and was now the size of a
Clydesdale.

They also noticed they had no more living room furniture. Sadly, the
wife
ushered the Rarey out to the garden, as the husband went to the
telephone. As the Rarey began pulling up the turf, the husband spoke to
the London Zoo. They wouldn't take the Rarey. As the Rarey began to
pull the tiles from the roof, the husband rang the Edinburgh Zoo. They
wouldn't take the Rarey. As the Rarey began to chew up the picket fence,
the husband spoke to the Cincinatti Zoo.

"At last," he told his wife," they will take it."
But, as the Rarey was now the size of a small elephant, they would not
be
able to transport it by air. So they booked passage on an ocean liner,
andset off across the Atlantic.

During the voyage, the poor Rarey was kept locked in a cage and fed very
little. The husband and wife grew quite attached to it. They felt sorry
that the Rarey had be locked up. The poor beast cried and pined
constantly. Finally, when they were almost to the American shores, the
woman could stand no more.
"Please," she begged her husband, "can't he come out for just a little
while?" The husband was touched by his wife's genuine regrets, and
unlocked the cage.

Joyfully, the Rarey leaped out and began running up and down the decks
of
the ship, grabbing lifeboats and deck chairs, and gobbling them down.
"Oh, NO!" cried the husband and wife, and began to chase the Rarey,
calling, "Stop! Stop!"

But the Rarey could not be stopped. It ran wildly up and down the decks,
eating anything it could grab. The husband and wife shouted a warning to
a crew hauling lines along the aft deck, but it was too late. The Rarey
stumbled into a crewman who stuck out a foot, and the Rarey fell
headlong
over the railing, into the ocean, and sunk to the bottom.
"After coming all this way, to lose him like this," sobbed the woman.
"There, there," said the husband, patting her shoulder.
"Indeed, it is a long way to trip a Rarey."
Best wishes,

Duncan Baker
http://www.lydbury.co.uk

Offline Darryl

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Re: Pet story
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2018, 09:23:03 pm »
You must really like that joke, Duncan; you posted it a few days ago.
By the way, what a great ODI match at the MCG last night. Did it get coverage in the U.K.? A record innings by Australia, eclipsed by your blokes with runs to spare. Your Mr Roy is a legend. Batted himself into the record books anyway. I don't care who wins when you see a match of that standard. Well, I do care I suppose, but just sayin'...

Offline admin

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Re: Pet story
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2018, 06:07:10 pm »
Posted in too many places I guess :(
Cricket - have loved it ever since my days at Pep school. We were always allowed off to watch Essex play - so a 5 day match was great :)
Best wishes,

Duncan Baker
http://www.lydbury.co.uk